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The New York Times Issue 2
The New York Times, Issue Two 4th October 'NEW YORK BANK HEIST' By Jake Roberts In the early hours of Monday morning a well known Dallas Capo ‘Red Rabbit’ was strolling out of a club when we he ran into a badly injured man who’d been left on the main street. Mr Rabbit spent a few moments completing CPR until a medical team arrived and during this time he claims that the body guard explained how he was injured. Mr Rabbit alleges that the body guard in question was injured during a late night heist on the New York Federal Reserve and was in the process of trying to help New York Made Man Nobody_Cares remove all the hard working citizens of New York’s money. Mr Rabbit apparently was later seen having a heated discussion with Nobody_Cares although it is believed that no shots were fired. Is this the end of this, only time will tell. Mr Rabbit would also like to draw attention to his new range of red wristbands to support his charity campaigning against racism against red people by a Dallas Consigliore. 'THE TROUBLE WITH TANZINI' By Cubert Farnsworth Tanzini is a family that has been around for as long as I can remember. At the start of this world they were here and I expect at the world’s death they will stop be walking around with their tags held with pride. Originally, this group was seemingly full of morals and was one of the most popular factions ever to develop in the Mafia. However, in recent months many leading critics have found fault with the new system adopted by Tom Tanzini, the owner of the family. Miguel left with Tanzini moving into a new direction. The Tanzini family was now not made of the same core as in previous generations, now Tom was granting authority to any SB wanting to wear the exclusive Tanzini ranks with then paying a tribute to him. Consequently, the Tanzini family has now been polluted in many of the public’s eyes by people not worthy of the true Tanzini heritage and allowing a series of random wackers into the family. In recent weeks Tanzini have developed a number of Made Men into their ranks which continuously kill anything without tags in their city without warning or provocation in the fear that perhaps a young thug may cause serious damage to them and their members, these claims have annoyed many individuals and the recent actions of Coochie in killing, kidnapping and stealing from other members of the country are a growing testament to the fear that Tanzini are a family out of control. In these circumstances, it is usual for the leader of such a family to stop the attacks but when he too joins in the killing the questions about which direction the group is now going emerge once again. 'THE RETURN OF JIMMEH' By Ernesto Taridelli The word on the street is that NY fanatic Jimmeh will be returning from his month long tour of Europe. Jimmeh, the notorious New Yorker famous for his ties with The Conceptualists and one of the former front men of I Soci will be returning sometime tomorrow morning it is rumored. However, the recent travel strikes and the long plane delays may mean that Jimmeh flights may have been cancelled and in fact we will not be seeing him for quiet a while! Many in the media are speculating as to what his plans will be once he returns with members of the community still remember Jimmeh’s blistering assault on ASDA which led to the deaths of several high ranked members of the community including Gabriella Santini and Tarby and wondering if a repeat would be on the cards. 'TRAIN STRIKES' By Juan Carlos As many of you know there have been no train rides in the entire country due to the Leaders of the Brotherhood of Locomotive Engineers, a division of the National Brotherhood of the Teamsters, striking and while many of you have been angered and frustrated by the lack of transportation this reporter went deep into the situation to uncover what led to the engineers work stoppage. I went to the LBLE headquarters in Chicago to talk to Carcass, president of the engineers union, on Monday. "We are being taken advantage of as many as 5,000 jobs are at stake and we need more money I mean my workers are being paid chicken s**t," Carcass said.” All we do is offer you everything, Trains are one of the most preferred ways to travel and we aren't making any dough out of it, fu*k that s**t. We want some of them greenbacks some chedda you know what I’m saying. Cash rules everything around me, get the money dolla dolla bill yo." After the Interview with Mr. Carcass I decided to hit the streets and see what the people had to say about the train stoppage. Here's what some of you had to say. "It really f**king sucks. PERIOD." said Mr.Vaz. "It came it went, I was hoping to see a few more dead bodies." said Mr.McGregorTheSaint "Well friend, I was stranded in Chicago for 2 days, and I had a Judo Club in Miami to look after. Bushido Judo stop in and take a few lessons." said Mr.Ordell_Robbie "It really hasn't upset me too much, other than not being able to get around to help out a few people I know who are not where I am. It's really put a damper though on many who have their everyday business to tend to." said Ms_Adrianna. "I think that for people who are in betting towns already it doesn’t really have any affect on them, but the drug runners and the guys with out of town businesses it's bad for business. I wouldn't mind taking a few of those union guys out you know set them straight." said a Mr.Luciano_Tanzini "Well, for me personally I'm not affected all that much. Everything I need is right here in New York City, my bars, my horses and the local bet shop. It really hasn't affected me as yet, although I can see how it would be a frustration for other American Citizens." said Mr.Elusive After trying to interview more people and being either flat out ignored or insulted and even spat on in once incident (thank you Mr.Phatal_Error for that) I decided to desist and just talk for the rest of this column. I hope people understand that even if this strike continues for days we learned one thing, don't leave yourselves open for this again. I mean Mr.Elusive and Ms_Adrianna didn't really care about it. Cause they had all there business ventures in one city with gambling. So if you really think about it, it's kinda our fault for not being prepared. Anyways I hope the Admins, I mean union people bring back our trains. 'AUNTIE AGNES’S PROBLEM PAGE ' Agnes, I had my hair cut this week and despite my new short and sleek style people keep calling me girl, or French. I don’t know how to make them stop it. Please help me. Regards Puck I’m sorry Puck, erm, I thought you were a girl too. Maybe not French though, I hope this helps. Failing that just quote the great Pinocchio, ‘I’m not a puppet I’m a real boy’ Agnes, every time I find a woman to spend my life with she dies, it doesn’t seem to matter what I do, and nothing seems to stop her dying. Regards TBS TBS, I’m not sure about bringing people back to life or anything but perhaps you could just live with the corpse? They don’t argue back either. Dear Auntie Agnes, I know that I am big and strong and I know that even my words strike the fear into the minions, but I feel I need a little stick so I can hit people so they ‘Respect my Authoritii’ From Billo Tubbio Sure Billo, whatever you want. *steps back* 'BEWARE THE IMPOSTER' By Witch Early on the morning of Oct 2nd, a man appeared on the streets of New York, claiming to be NOT MST, but MST in Congnito. This caused quite stir and rumours started to fly. In the course of my investigations, I was forced to in fact taste the said imposter in an effort to prove that this was in fact NOT MST. Following this imvestigation, warnings were issued on how to deal with this dangerours individual. A local Street Boss LittleKitty, stepped forward to ask for help and admitted he had in fact taken him into his family, showing a family consisting of only one member, one can only assume the imposter had eaten the rest. A couple of days later the MST imposter made an announcement claiming to be well know family leader Puck. And proclaiming that Puck is in fact the imposter. Will this man/woman/beast stop at nothing? Updates to follow. 'QUOTE OF THE DAY' "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." 'ADVERTISEMENTS' Do you suck at betting? Spend all your cash on bets that you inevitably lose? Fear no more, Located above the infamous Renaissance club in downtown Manhattan is the recently opened "After Hours Betting & Social Club" Come along for free betting tips from the renowned betting supreme himself, Elusive. After you've placed your bets why not head downstairs for a drink in "Club Renaissance" We look forward to seeing you soon! 'RESPECTS TO' Sirico – Citizen 2006-10-02 18:55 Elusive DEATH DESTRUCTION JOY Alpha_Canis_Rider - Hoodlum 2006-10-02 19:03 - Ms_Adrianna What was the sense in this killing? The man did as he was told and still gets capped? RIP dear friend *Lays white roses* Frank_Nitti 2006-10-03 05:32 - Red_Rabbit RIP mang :( I will find the murderer and stick a pineapple up his arse. 'A NOTE FROM THE EDITORS: ' The editors of this particular edit would like to thank you all for reading it. This is just a pilot to cover issues whilst the gazette is gone but if it gains support it can swiftly become part of your daily lives. . If you would like to submit anything for a future paper mail either Eragon or Gio-Pagliuca